Saturday, December 22, 2012

Relief!!

We had our early ultrasound today at 15w 2d and baby looks good! It was so nice after being sick all week to see the baby and breath that huge sigh of relief!!

Baby was asleep and did not really want to participate in the ultrasound but had a nice heartbeat of 153!!

And the early gender prediction is in!!! And it's a:

Friday, December 21, 2012

Sick and Pregnant

I hit the 15 week mark yesterday and am so excited!!! It really seems to be going by pretty quickly. I think all of the holidays have something to do with that.

This week however has not been the best of weeks. It has been filled with worry... I think all pregnant people probably go through it although I think it is worse when you have waited so long to get this precious gift (for us it took 2 yrs). And I think for anybody who has had a miscarriage you are always on edge with the "what If's". So this week I have had this horrible throat infection and we don't know what it is. It started on Monday with a mild little sore throat. I thought no big deal, I get these all of the time because of my allergies. I assessed my throat, it was a tad bit red and my right tonsil was slightly swollen. Because of my job I so not take anything to lightly because the last thing I want to do is take something infectious up to our unit and infect these precious children who do not have any immune system. So Tuesday morning I woke up, my throat hurt a little bit more so I took my temperature, no fever, and looked at my throat again. To my surprise my tonsils were more swollen and now had white patches on them... My concern became strep throat even though I didn't have the fever that usually goes with it. So I tried and tried to get an appointment with my regular doctors and nobody could get me in. They were all willing to just call in a prescription for antibiotics but I didn't want to put anything in my body that wasn't necessary since I am pregnant.

Finally I found an office that would see me. Strep was negative but the nurse practioner was pretty impressed with my growing tonsils (they were growing as the day progressed and with the growth came more white patches). She felt like it was probably viral and sent me on my way. She also felt that it would be ok for my to return to work on Wednesday.

Wednesday came and my tonsils continued to grow, along with all of the lymph nodes in my neck. So my neck concern was mono. I had recently taken care of a kiddo with very active mono so I figured it wouldn't hurt to also get checked out. I went to our minor med after work that night and the nurse practioner there also felt like I looked like a classic mono case. But it was negative.

Thankfully Wednesday was my last day of work for the week so yesterday I could rest and recoup. My tonsils continued to grow, I was only able to eat soft foods at this point because they were so big that was the only thing that could get through.

Friday comes (today) and they finally seem a little smaller!! I hope I am on the mend!! My sweet kitty, Cooper, has given his momma lots of extra love and attention these last few days!!!

But this sickness has left me wondering if everything is ok with the baby. Did the baby get sick while I was sick? Is this virus anything that could harm the baby? Because as a nurse I know that there are several viruses that are NOT ok to get while pregnant and I just have to hope and pray that this virus was not one of those. It scares me.

My husband and I had set up to have an elective ultrasound this Saturday in order to have a very up to date picture to give to his family to open on Christmas Eve, since that is when we will finally tell them that we are expecting. So again I have this nervous anxiety about tomorrow's ultrasound. I am very hopeful that everything is ok, but you can't help but worry. I just need s/he to be safe and healthy and happy in there.

Please Lord let tomorrow provide the peace and comfort that this recent infection has taken away from me.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Hello 2nd trimester!!!

It's so weird to think that we are officially 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy already!

Nothing really new to report.  All continues to go well and I can't wait for my next doctors appointment!  The only new symptom that I have is head aches.   I have one almost everyday, they aren't terrible just annoying and if it continues to mean good things in our future on the baby front then I will take them!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

My little jumping bean!!!

This past Thursday I had my 12 week check-up!   As appointments go I was nervous about going.  I don't know what it is but a few days before each appointment this nervous anxiety kicks in....

I knew this was supposed to be an "easy" appointment and that is what I wanted it to be, but I was still nervous!   Doc brought in the Doppler and said well we will see if we can find the heartbeat with this and if not I will just role in the ultrasound machine because being this early sometimes it is hard to find with the Doppler.  All sounded good to me!  One of my biggest concerns was that they wouldn't hear it with the Doppler and then they would just send me on my way left to wonder....  Glad he was willing to use his options!

Well doc was able to find the heartbeat very quickly with the Doppler and it was the sweetest little sounds!!!  He kept losing the heartbeat because he said we had an active little baby in there!!  Yet another good thing!!  

So my 12 week appointment went by with flying colors and I have a video momento with the heartbeat on it so I can listen to it whenever I want to!  Baby had a nice strong heart rate of 165-170!

Baby must be going through a big growth spurt this weekend because I have been more exhausted then I have been in a couple of weeks!  I will take my exhaustion as a good sign!

Friday, November 16, 2012

10 weeks and growing well!

It has been a while since I have been on here!! Sorry about that!!! Life has been very busy and very exhausting!

I had my 7 week scan and my was half the size of the six week scan so I was released back to my regular OBGYN! Saw him at 8 weeks and it was such a good feeling to be back!!! His nurse poked her head through the window at registration and was very excited that I was pregnant!! My doc also share the same excitement!

It was a really weird feeling to not see any doctor at 9 weeks and then again at 10 weeks since I will only go now for regular monthly appointments!!

We have started telling some people are good news and are excited to tell dh's family very soon! DH wanted a new ultrasound picture before we told them so that the picture looked more like an actual baby! He pulled some strings at work and was able to get us a surprise scan!!!

It was so cool to get to see our little bundle moving around all over the place!!! We are so excited!

So far in pregnancy I have felt pretty good. I have tossed my cookie twice, quesy if I don't eat my meals at particular times and exhausted. But considering how I could feel I know I am very fortunate! My other big symptom is constipation, but I am hoping I just found the cure in some good ol' fashioned prune juice!!

Still praying for all of my cyber friends out there that our awaiting there BFP's!! And praying for healthy pregnancies for those you have already gotten there's!!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Angel of Hope

It's really funny how things happen in life sometimes. Especially when you least expect to need it.

Two weeks ago I received a phone call from one of my best friends and during that phone call she told me to expect a package in the mail from her that week.

So let's rewind. 3 weeks ago is when I had my first questionable bfp. I tested again the next morning (Monday) and had a true very faint positive. Called my RE and went in that day for my first HCG draw and repeated it 2 days later on that Wednesday. And all was looking swell!

Tiffany had called me Sunday of our very exciting week, unaware of the events that had played out that week. Did not know of our bfp yet or anything. While on the phone she had told me that the day before she called (Saturday) she was at the store and she saw this sweet little figure from the willow tree collection, the Angel of Hope. She said when she saw it that God spoke to her and let her know that I was in need of that little figurine. When she told me this I asked her if she had read my blog from that week (she is the only friend that I have let into my blog thus far). She told me she hadn't but that she would read it when she had a chance. I left it at that, figured I would let our good news surprise her that way.

Initially I was so hopeful about everything that I did not quite understand why God led her to buy me that particular figure, but incredibly thankful none the less.

Then we come to that Monday and I have my third HCG draw and getting results that I wasn't as thrilled with on Tuesday. And I realized God new exactly what he was doing when he told her to get that figure for me. He knew that I wasn't going to be satisfied with Monday's results and that I was going to need Hope to get through it. He put Tiffany in the right place at the right time and reminded me that HE is the decision maker.

Since then we have definitely been faced with a little obstacle but I am constantly reminded buy my gracious gift that to be hopeful is the best medicine! And for that I am indebted to Tiffany's gratitude for this precious gift.

I truely could not ask for a better friend!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

And there is always a but.....

Sorry I am so far behind in posts!  I have 2 other posts to make besides this one.  So expect those over the next few days!

Well today is the big 6 week mark!  I went back to my RE today to have our first ultrasound and discuss next steps.  Since my last post I have felt so much better about everything!  I think I just needed and emotional day to get past it and to start thinking positive again.  That doesn't mean that I was any less anxious about today though.  6 weeks is just one of those maybe/maybe not mile stones as far as seeing much on the ultrasound and I really, really, really needed to be able to see something on the ultrasound.  My husband went with me and boy was I glad he did!! 

This is what we saw:

 
Yup we have a baby there!!  It was surreal to see our little bean!  And then.....  our ultrasound tech said "do you see that little flicker?"  and I had to look closely because initially I did not see it but it was there!  The heart beat!!  I asked her if she was going to be able to measure it and give us a number and she did, a beautiful 115!!  The goal in the 6th week is 100-128 since it just started to beat!  To say we were beyond thrilled was an understatement. Every time she moved the probe I just wanted to see the baby and its little heart!  She also told me that we are currently measuring 6w1d which is as she said "you have a little over achiever!"  I told her that I had thought I O'd a day early this cycle so I was not really surprised by the measurement!
 
She gave us 3 little pictures as a keep sake! 
 
And then we went to the waiting room to wait for our doctor's appointment.  Of course at this point things became so much more real and the hubs and I discussed lots of future things because we just could not contain our excitement! 
 
We finally saw the doctor and he said "everything looks good BUT... you have a subchorionic hemorrhage."  What!!  Are you kidding me!!  I mean really!  My heart just sank instantly because things aren't as perfect as we thought 10 minutes ago.  Its a small hemorrhage measuring in at 0.55cm, but its there.  My RE said he was not that concerned by it because it was so small so I am going to have to go with that over the next week.  He wants another ultrasound next Thursday because of the hemorrhage just to check to see if its gone, bigger, or stable.  As long as all is well after that appointment I will be released back to my regular OBGYN.  He told me to call my OB today and go ahead and get an appointment set up since it can take a few weeks sometimes.  So now we wait another week. 
 
I will pray and pray and pray that everything turns out OK.  I of course did the no-no thing and googled and could not find anyone posting anything about a hemorrhage as small as mine and another website said something along the lines as long as it stays stable or improves that the chance of continuing on as a health pregnancy is 81% so for now I will take those odds because they are in my favor! 
 
Grow little baby grow!  and Go away little hemorrhage!!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Monday's results

Well I had my third and final HCG yesterday and I am left not knowing exactly how to feel. My results came back today at 539, which is still good, just lower than I was expecting. I went from doubling every 32 hours to every 48 and although that is still very good I am just confused/concerned at why I slowed so much. I probably shouldn't be but when going through infertility and a previous miscarriage I just don't really know how to feel. I guess scared.

I just want this baby so much. I can't imagine the heartache of loosing another one and I hope I don't have to. I am going to try to stay as positive as I can until my ultrasound because neither the baby nor I need the stress.

That brings me to another topic that I dont know how to feel about. The ultrasound. My RE normally does an ultrasounds at 6.5-7 weeks so that way it ALMOST guarantees you will see the heart beat. Well my RE will be out of town in between my 6.5-7 weeks so he wants me to come in at 6 weeks exactly, 10/18. There is so much chance at that point that I won't see the heartbeat Because it may just be a couple of days to early. And I don't want to risk not seeing it and stressing more. He wants me to have it done and doesn't want to wait until he returns to perform it. So I am kind of stuck. Next week is going to be hard enough as it is that I NEED the 18th to bring good results. Next Tuesday 10/16 was my due date from my miscarriage and right now I just fear that history is going to repeat itself. It was at my 6 weeks to the day with that pregnancy that I new 100% that I was loosing my baby.

Please Lord give me the hope and strength to get through these next couple of weeks.

Friday, October 5, 2012

We Have Had A Change In Plans!!

Our plans have completely changed.  It all started this past Sunday September 30th when I realized I was probably 11 or 12 DPO and I had not started spotting....  I decided what the heck, lets take a test.  So I pulled out my last remaining dollar store test and pee'd on it... After 5-10 minutes I could see a shadow, but I couldn't determine whether or not it had any color.  I was baffled all day on whether or not it was an evap line or something more.  I took a few pictures of it because I wanted to tweak it on countdowntopregnancy.com.  So I did.  On that website people can also vote on your little stick to determine whether or not they think it is a positive or not.  I posted 2 pictures of my little stick, one with bathroom lighting and one with outdoor natural lighting.  The results were pretty inconclusive.  The vote for my indoor pick was 75% + to 25% -, roughly.  And the complete reverse was true for my outside test.

So I pondered this all day long.  I did not tell my husband that I had tested or that I was confused by what my little dollar store cheapy was trying to tell me.  So that night I decided I needed to pull out a FRER, initially I figured I would wait to the morning when I could use FMU however the suspense was killing me so I just had to do it.  I had 2 left, I figured one that night and one in the morning.  Perfect!

So I pee'd on the FRER, and really there wasnt anything there.  I evaluated it in all kinds of different lighting situations like I know many of us infertiles do!!  And I felt like all I could see was an indent line, no color, no nothing.  So I put it down and left it.  Thinking non stop about my little stick while I went back to the computer to continue working on my upcoming presentation.  My little stick kept drawing me to it.  I just had to look again.  Probably 10-15 mins later, heck maybe even 20 minutes I noticed the faintest of pink lines.  I was like ok, what the heck 2 tests today that have evap lines??  I finally decided that I had to tell the husband what the days events had held and that I was incredibally confused!!  I told him I would use my last FRER in the morning and if nothing was there then I would wait out AF.

Needless to say I did not sleep well that night.  The anticipation was killing me!!!  I woke up, ran to the bathroom, pulled out my last beautiful FRER and pee'd on it.  Within the 3 minute time window there was the faintest of faint lines!!  Ok I thought, this has to mean something right??? 

I woke the hubs up, told him the results and told him I needed to call a doctor that day.  But I didnt know which doctor to call....  Should I call my RE or my OBGYN??  My RE and I had not discussed what to do if in fact the HSG was all I needed and I ended up with a BFP....  My husband tells me to slow down, not get to excited and reminded me about our miscarriage.  I told him that was exactly why I needed to call a doctor!  I needed levels and I wanted progesterone.  After I said that out loud to him I knew my best bet and getting what I felt like I needed was through the RE!

So I went to work and waited for the RE's office to open.  I left a message with my RE's nurse and told her about my positive test.  She called me back and said "we need you to come in today to get a blood test!!"  She had urgency in her voice, and I loved it!  I asked her about the progesterone and she said she would call it into the pharmacy as soon as we hung up the phone.  Brilliant!

I went to the office that Monday at 3w4d and had my blood drawn.  I had to wait until Tuesday to get my results.  When the phone rang that Tuesday I had to sit down to listen.  My HCG was 38 and they were happy about that.  And wanted a retest on Wednesday.  At this point I was so thankful that A:  I called on Monday and B: That I called on Monday because I was flying out on Wednesday to leave for PA.  So I was able to stop by the RE's office on the way to the airport.

My RE's nurse said that they wanted my HCG to rise by at least 60% by Wednesday.  I calculated out what a 60% rise would look like so I had a goal in mind and figured I needed to reach 62.  So I had my husband, myself and one of my BFF's take a poll on what my HCG would be on Wednesday.  The results were as follows:  DH: 42 (now he had no idea how much HCG should rise in an normal pregnancy so I had to explain that to him.  once he understood he said 85)  BFF: 295 and Me: 95

I got the glorious phone call yesterday that it was 97!!  Yes!!  That means (because I like to figure these things out and countdowntopregnancy.com has this cool little feature where you can type everything in) I was doubling at a rate of 32.5 hours!! 

All week I have been rubbing the right side of my lower abdomen (since my HSG showed that my uterus was on the right side) and saying grow baby grow!!!

My RE likes to follow patients with serial HCG's until you have reached 100.  They wanted me to come in today to have another lab draw but seeing as how I was in PA to present at a national conference I was not availble to be in TN to have my lab drawn.  We agreed on Monday.  At that point my HCG should be anywhere from 400 (doubling every 72) to 1100 (doubling every 32).  My guess is 852, somewhere in the middle! 

I have a very good feeling that this little "bub" is here to stay!  Thank you God for my many blessings!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Frustrations, Nervous Anxiety and Happiness!!

Work has been incredibly busy lately, which I guess can be a blessing because it keeps my mind off of TTC.  On Wednesday as I was leaving work I was checking my phone for messages from through out the day (I don't carry my phone on me while I work because the only place I have to put it is in my front scrubs pocket and I am trying to eliminate any extra radiation to my pelvis).  I noticed that I had a voice mail from my RE's office so I listened to it and then I cried tears of anger.  The receptionist had called me that morning and left a voicemail saying she was wanting to confirm my appointment for Friday and that I had until 4:30 Wednesday afternoon to confirm or they would cancel my appointment.  I did not get the voicemail until 8:15 Wednesday night....  See why the tears came in..... :(  On my drive home I called my husband and vented my frustration to him about the voicemail.  We talked it out on the phone and then I hung up and cried some more.  By the time I walked through the door of our house tears were just rolling down my face.  My husband grabbed me in a warm embrace and just assured me that all would be OK.  I let him listen to the voice mail, because he was certain that I just misunderstood what the girl was saying, but sure enough it was clear as day that at this time on Wednesday night I probably no longer had my appointment for Friday.

First chance I had to steal away at work Thursday morning I went and called the office.  (Trust me if I could have called them as soon as they opened I would have however my little patient was critically ill and I had to put her needs in front of my own).  I spoke with the "nice" receptionist and she informed me that my appointment had not yet been cancelled and that usually those phone calls are made the day before not 2 days before.  Talk about sigh of relief!  I would have cried happy tears but I had to get back to my patient!

Friday comes and I see my RE.  He is just such a positive person and is very forth coming with all information!  I asked him questions that I had about our chances with IUI and he was honest.  We are not the couple with the best scenario for IUI.  My thought process was this:  If I have a high antral follicle count and DH has a sperm count of 104.6 million (I think I may have posted before that it was 95 but I read the paper wrong, it was even better than that) then our odds must be good, right?  Nope, not necessarily.  The theory is that since all of our numbers are great than our chance of success actually decreases (slightly than someone else) with IUI because the rational is that we shouldnt have had a problem getting pregnant in the first place.  IUI works better when there is a known factor like low count or low motility because your helping to make sure the healthy swimmers are right there in front of the egg.  That being said he said our chance of success is 8-10% each cycle instead of 10-12%.  He said that still puts around the 30% success rate after 3 cycles, which equals about 1:3 odds, not bad!!  So we are going to move on with IUI.  He said he still recommended IUI for us to start with because for 1. it is so much cheaper than IVF and 2. we wont know until we try anyway.

So....  I will start Clomid on CD 3-CD 7.  I will have a folli scan and lining measurement on CD 12 and if all looks good we will trigger.  Followed by our first IUI.  I asked questions about our risk of multiples and he informed me that it was low risk with clomid.  Although I must tell you a side story on multiples: When DH and I were dating and we discussed having children one day I jokingly said "what if we end up with triplets"  DH did not really find that funny, although at the time I did!  He said at the time that he would  be okay with twins but more than that would be so much work (not that twins wouldn't be).  So recently my family was in town and we briefly talked about our infertility and what our next step would probably be.  My sister said "oh my gosh you are going to end up with triplets"  I had never mentioned before what I had told DH once upon a time!! It was something I found amusing and I truly wouldn't mind triplets as long as everyone was safe and healthy even being a high risk pregnancy.  So back to the RE.  He said with clomid our chances of twins was about 15%, triplets <3%.  So more than likely we will end up with a singleton which and we will just be happy and ecstatic about welcoming a baby into our lives!

So here comes the irony of this whole Clomid IUI scenario.  If all plays out the way it is scheduled at this point and I start AF on time like I normally do than there is a very real chance that my first IUI could end up being the day that was my original due date from my miscarriage....  If it all works out that way it will be a bitter sweet day, but a hopeful day that my IUI landing on my due date is a sign from God of all the possibilities that our future as parents hold.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Hey St. Jude



I know this post has absolutely nothing to do with fertility however I couldn't help but share!  These kids hold a special place in my heart!  We all have our own daily struggles, but most of these kids act as if they are not even sick! 

Please watch the video because it is so stinking cute and brought tears to my eyes!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

MIA for a few days!

I have been MIA from the Internet world for nearly a week now.  Work has been crazy busy and my family came into town this weekend.  So its been a nice busy break!

I should be around 4-5 DPO at this point of my last cycle before we officially start fertility treatment.  We have been on our own with this for far to long, and I am ready to move on to the next step.  The nice thing about this past week though as I have thought very little about me and my journey, I guess because I am at peace with moving forward.  I have thought a lot about the ladies I follow on here and over at the ovagraph world who have been trying for a long time and/or are on similar journeys.  We all deserve this and one day our wishes will come trued! 

I know that I O monthly, that has been confirmed, however I rarely feel O pain.  I seem to only be able to feel it a couple of times a year.  Well this was one of those cycles where I am pretty sure what I was feeling on CD 13 was O pain.  The last time I felt it was with my January cycle, which was also the cycle we conceived.  Of course that leaves me hopeful for this month just like all of the other past months but I am also going to be realistic since our chances of conceiving on our own are a mere 1-2%.  The other weird thing about this cycle is that on Saturday I was woken up in the middle of the night with cramps, which also happened with the January cycle, however I am way to early as far as DPO for any type of implantation cramps.  On a very rare cycle will I have any type of breast pain and so far since the day of ovulation they have definitely been sore.  So my assumption is that maybe this month my progesterone is just surging higher than my norm.  Gosh you have to hate the side effects of that hormone sometimes!  Playing tricks with my mind!!

I have officially had all of my testing now for infertility!  My RE has personally called me 3 times with results!  I have really been shocked by that.  I could see his nurse calling me but not him personally.  Of course this makes me happy!  He also does not rush off of the phone.  First he called when my FSH came back (it was 6. something), left a voice mail and said it was normal.  Since he called with that lab result I just assumed that all of my labs must have been back and with in normal limits also.  I was wrong.  A mere three days later he calls me again (while I am in the waiting room for my HSG) and tells me that all of my labs were back at that time and all perfectly normal.  I do not know physical numbers yet but I will when I go back this Friday for my next appointment.  He then called me again this past Thursday to let me know he received the report from the radiologist that my HSG was normal.  I let him know that since I am an inpatient person I had already had my husband print my report while he was at work! HA!  RE got a good laugh at that.  While I had him on the phone I asked him about my right sided uterus and he said normally that is a perfectly normal finding, however once I bring him the disc on Friday that shows the physical HSG he will know more if mine still looks normal. 

I asked him if at this point we would be in the category of "unexplained infertility" and he said yes.  He said since all lab work looks good, as far as he knows HSG is normal and DH's SA was (in his words) phenomenal, we are left unexplained. 

So be that as it may we will work out an official plan this Friday.  It should be a medicated IUI as we discussed before.  At my last appointment we discussed Clomid + IUI, I just overall need more information about the whole process as far as will we trigger, how often will we follow my follicles with ultrasound, etc.  DH is leaving to go out of town this Friday so he wont be able to make it to this appointment so I asked him to give me a few questions that he wants me to ask the RE.  Next week I will be leaving for a presentation that I have to do at a conference in Pittsburgh.  I am sure it might not be a bad thing if I have to start Clomid while I am out of town, in case it causes me to be grumpy!

Always remember that I am praying for you that are also on this stinking infertility journey.  It will definitely make us stronger parents once we all receive our gift!!

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Big HSG Day!

Today was full of pictures.  About a year and a half ago I found out that my left vocal cord is paralyzed.  I had an unexplained hoarse for about 6 weeks when I saw my fabulous ENT for the first time.  He scoped me (camera up the nose and partially down the throat) to visualize by vocal cords and what he found surprised us both.  My left vocal cord was not moving.  Every other month I went back to my ENT and he would re scope me to see if function had returned but it never did so we moved onto a surgery to place an implant in my neck that would move my vocal cord over to the center, in essence strengthening my voice which at that point had been hoarse for 9 months.  Surgery was a success and I had a "new normal" voice. 

Well about 3 weeks ago my voice started to become hoarse again.  So I went back to the ENT today.  The took 3 x-rays of my sinuses.  My x-ray showed that my sinuses were cloudy so they are now treating me for a sinus infection.  The nurse practitioner told me that since I only have one functioning vocal cord that my thresh hold for hoarseness is just going to be much less than any one who has 2 normal cords.  So this is what we try for now.  Thankfully I did not have to have a scope because I already new what types of "tubes" my afternoon would bring.

In between my appointments I had just enough time to grab some lunch, get gas in my car and pick up my prescriptions for my sinuses.  I felt good about the day, fairly calm considering I was going for my HSG in a bit.

I went to the hospital, registered and sat in the waiting room for a short period of time while still remaining calm, however I was starting to get just a little bit anxious!  I was fortunate enough to have a great X-Ray tech who explained the procedure and reassured me that it shouldn't be to bad.  Once I went and changed into my hospital gown and sat on the table my anxiety hit the ceiling.  Now I have been told by the families that I take care of at work that I always remain so calm during "code blue" situations, even though I feel like a basket case inside.  So my guess is that the Radiology Tech and Radiologist had no idea just how nervous I was!!

All that anxiety and the test really was not that bad.  Really it just felt weird to feel somebody cleaning my cervix and inserting the catheter.  When they inserted the dye I only felt pressure, a pressure that I really can not explain and a crazy urge to pee!!  My radiologist told me everything he was doing prior to doing it and after the procedure was over took the time to show me my slides and give me some info.  He told me that from what he could tell on quick glance was that my HSG was normal.  Tubes are patent, uterus is shaped like normal and the dye spilled out the end by the ovaries just as it should. 

Here is my uterus (they gave me a CD to take to my doc!)
 
 
My husband who is also a radiology tech of course wanted to see my slides and his only concern with the pictures is that my uterus is not in the center, its off to the side (the darkest black blob), so this is something that I will ask my doc about when I go back in a couple of weeks.  The thin lines that are on both left and right side are my fallopian tubes.  The line in the center is the catheter going into my uterus and at the end of my fallopian tubes where the color becomes darker again is where the dye is fawning out around my ovaries.
 
I asked the lady that was in with me today when my official report would be ready and she told me that it should be in a couple of days.  I could either pick it up or just see it when I go back to the RE.  Well I am a little impatient so I am sure that I will pick it up from the hospital as soon as I can!!
 
I also received a phone call from my RE today telling me that all of my labs are normal.  Being me I need more info than that so I asked him to mail me a copy so I can physically see the numbers!!
 
Can you sense my impatience?
 

Friday, September 7, 2012

This is what I know so far.

So far I know that I started my next cycle yesterday 9/6/12 however since it was after 4pm my RE office is counting today (9/7/12) as CD 1.  My CD 3 labs will actually be CD 4 labs on Monday because I am teaching nursing students this weekend and really wont have a chance to break away.  And my RE office was not fond of my idea of having somebody in my hospital draw my labs.  So be that as it may I am OK with this plan.

Then I have will have my HSG next Friday.  I am already excited and nervous about this all in one!!  I am hoping I am lucky enough to have a radiologist who will talk to me as this is happening and will explain a little bit about it as we go.  I remember in nursing school going through a rotation and watching this happen.  Its funny the things that stick in your brain.  I always thought I would end up doing something with obstetrics, however that is not where God lead me. 

I also did some research about CD 1- CD 3 follicle counts and found some very interesting information that I did not know!!  What I found out yesterday is that this early it is considered an antral follicle count.  This plays into perspective with your chance of conceiving with IVF in particular and when you will go into menopause.  I found out that my antral follicle count is on the high side of normal so according to some websites if I had to use IVF I "should" have a higher probability of conceiving then someone else.  But this is not without risk.  Some one with a higher than normal antral follicle count could easily be over stimulated with drugs leading to some severe problems.

Here is a link that I will leave you with tonight that goes into detail about antral follicle count:

http://www.advancedfertility.com/antralfollicles.htm

Thursday, September 6, 2012

And the story unfolds....

Well today was my first RE appointment and all in all I think it went well.  The appointment was definitely a little different than what I was expecting considering we met with the doctor the entire time.  The office was also much quieter than I was expecting. 

On my first appointment I am pretty sure I saw someone that I know also but not to sure because I was reading some papers and happened to look up as she was leaving the office.

Ok so on to the appointment.  My DH and I sat and talked with the doctor and told him our history.  He said that even though we have been ttc for 2 years he is labeling us as 5 years infertile since we have never used any form of protection in preventing a pregnancy, fair enough.  Then we talked about our one BFP that we had in February, how it lasted 6 weeks and when my blood was drawn my hcg and progesterone were very low and how on exam that day I had a lot of rebound right sided tenderness.  I told him how my regular doctor was initially concerned about ectopic, repeated my hcg and p4 two days later and determined it was just a miscarriage.  My RE asked me if my OBGYN ever did an ultrasound during that time and I told him no.  He was not happy about that and feels that it probably was an ectopic pregnancy.

We also discussed my menstrual cramps and how I hoard drugs from previous procedures in order to have pain medication for when I really need it, my period.  He saw that I take lortab and/or ultram to get through the really bad days of cramps, which is usually only one or two a month.  I explained to him that after my surgery for my vocal cord that I saved my lortab for a time I needed it more since the pain in my neck was no where near as bad as the pain I experience most months.  So he figures I very well may have endometriosis, however he doesn't think I need to have surgery to get rid of it.

I told him about how ever since the miscarriage I have had a lot of right sided pain (during my period) and that it feels like tugging, and twisting.  He said well lets go do an ultrasound.  There ultrasound room had a nice big screen tv so we could watch everything as it was happening.  The doctor was the one who performed the ultrasound and he had an LPN in there with him.  He could see an old corpus luteum so we know that I did in fact ovulate last month, which is always good to know.  Then since today has become just like I expected he counted the follicles that I already have brewing for this cycle.  This seriously made my jaw drop.  In my right ovary on CD 1 I have at least 20 follicles and in my left the counted 16.  Are you F***ing kidding me!!!  Prior to the ultrasound we had discussed medicated IUI's and IVF.  He was telling me that for the first round of IVF they give lots of stim meds in order to increase follicle counts so they can harvest more eggs and freeze them for future cycles.  He said when they do that they hope for 15-20 follicles in each ovary.  I already have that and its only CD1!  What would happen if they did stim me???

So at this point I will have CD 3 labs, however he said after seeing my ovaries today he expects them all to come back perfectly normal.  Then after my period is over I will have an HSG.  He is not concerned about getting another P4 level because he already saw an old corpus luteum so he knows I ovulated and I have had a P4 level before and it was normal.  He said we could start fertility treatments this month but DH and I decided to wait until all the test results come back and then move forward next cycle.  I don't want to feel rushed to get all of these things done and move into fertility treatments at the same time.

So the plan is that once we get labs and an HSG then next month I will start clomid and have an IUI barring that there is nothing terribly wrong with my tests that would move us straight towards IVF, like nearly blocked tubes. 

I do have to say the clomid discussion happened before we saw 36 Folli's so I don't know if that would change the plan at all.  I did read up on clomid with IUI's a little while ago and it did say that when clomid was used with an IUI it increased the chance of conception with someone with endometriosis.  So I may still want to try it that way even if I end up with a gazillion follicles.... 

Now we wait and see.... as the story unfolds...

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Just when you think its safe to be hopeful.... Pre AF spotting commences :(

Over the past 6 or 7 years I have had intermittent pre AF spotting, ranging from 5 days before down to 1 day before.  It seems as time goes on however it has become more of a problem.  Over the past year I would have to say that it has definitely occurred every cycle (minus the cycle I had a BFP).  Ever since my miscarriage it has been more consistently there 5 days before AF starts.  It really is annoying for me to think about because if I spot for 5 days before AF, have AF which is usually 5-6 days and then spot for another 3-4 days then I am actually bleeding for about 2 weeks in a 28 day cycle.  Something is wrong with that.

I was supposed to start my pre AF spotting yesterday, and nothing happened.  In the back of my mind that brought some extra hope however I do not have the feeling that I had in February where I just new I was pregnant.  I put it at the back of my mind knowing that I would wake up and spotting would be there.  Heck I even had a dream last night that I went to the restroom and spotting was clearly evident.  (Yup TTC has officially invaded my dreams).  So today nothing happened.  And this afternoon nothing happened.  And then I noticed my BB's were sore and I was incredibly hopeful!  Only to use the restroom tonight and have my hopes smashed in my face.

I hate my period!  It really tortures me every month.  I dread the thought of having it and not because it means it was another BFN month but because they are crazy painful.  I usually start to feel nauseated about a week before AF.  I hoard drugs from previous surgeries of drugs for my husbands herniated discs that did not work for him in order to ensure I have some relief from AF.  I had surgery in December to help my paralyzed vocal cord and instead of truly managing that pain I took the least amount of pain medicine as possible because I new I needed it more for AF. 

The more and more I think about it the more and more I know that my cramps have to be part of our TTC problem.  And now ever since our MC I always have right sided ovarian pain that feels like some one is reaching in body and twisting my ovary and Fallopian tube as hard as then can.

I have self diagnosed my self with an endometrioma.....  I am hopeful that I will have some answers about this on Thursday at my first RE appointment!!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Perfect Golf Game

Sometimes it's so hard to take my mind off of TTC, but I know I have to sometimes to help my relationship with DH.  We struggle with this issue as I am sure some other IF couples have.  I become so focused on wanting a baby that I push our relationship aside.

So yesterday DH only had a half day of work and I was off and we went golfing!  DH loves to golf and he wanted to go so I agreed.  I like golf I just suck at it!  We decided at the beginning of the game that there was an 8 stroke limit.  This way we would prevent to many people from having to play through us.  Well on our 9-hole game I made a perfect 8 on each hole!  Ha!  To bad the object is lowest score wins.

It was a nice relaxing afternoon with the wind blowing through the golf cart and just relaxing trying not to think about TTC.  DH smokes on occasion (which I hate by the way) and since we have our RE appointment coming up I have asked him to quit.  In fact our RE's office has a no smoking policy saying that they have the right to not treat smokers since it can impact the treatments that they do.  I thought that this policy would help him to quit, but it hasn't.  This frustrates me.  I feel like if I have to go through the testing and possible hormone injections that the least he could do is quit.  At our golf game though I bit my tongue, it wasn't supposed to be a day focused on TTC so I just kept my mouth shut, no matter how much it bothered me....

Oh the joys of TTC on my mind.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Countdown to RE!!!

Two weeks from today we embark on a different ttc journey!!  I really have a lot of mixed emotions about this.  One minute I am elated, then scared to death.  But I guess that's just part of it.  After we had ttc for one year I was not ready to give up and admit that there was a problem.  I felt like we just needed more time and that we would be able to do this on our own. 

After one year of ttc I was forced to take a couple months off because I needed to have surgery to help my hoarse voice become stronger.  After the surgery we jumped right back on the ttc band wagon and were successful the first try!  We were so excited and realistic at the same time.  Each day we talked about our little bean and dreamed about the future as new parents.  Unfortunately my bean was not a sticky bean and at only 6 weeks pregnant I had a mc.  It broke my heart and left me devastated. 

My pregnancy did help me though, even though emotionally it was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.  I was not a fan of my previous OB/GYN so getting my first BFP led me to a new OB/GYN, one that came highly recommended by my BFF!!  He was willing to admit that we probably had a problem somewhere, where as my old OB wanted to teach me about how the birds and bees work.... REALLY!!  I really like my new doc and hope that soon enough I will go back to him with another BFP, this time one that sticks.

I think the thing that is so scary about the RE is the fact that just maybe he will make our dreams come true.  I have these feelings of elation at the thought and then fear that I wont be good enough for my baby.

I know that I have a good OB now because he thought it was a really good idea that I made an appointment with an RE.  Many doctors wouldn't be so happy about that because they think they know everything.  I am glad my OB is happy! 

So this is the start of my TWW and my TWW to RE!  How ironic is that!!  My next CD1 is supposed to be the day of my RE appointment, doesn't really leave me any time to cancel if this is our month.  However I have honestly lost all confidence in us doing this on our own anyway so I do not really suspect to have to cancel.

Really hoping that there are only good things in our ttc future!

Friday, August 17, 2012

My Breast Friend!

So I have to say the other day when I went for my ultrasound that the breast center that I went to was amazingly organized and quick!  Turns out though that unfortunately I ended up having to get a mammogram anyway which was unexpected to me.  It is just there protocol that anyone over the age of 25 that feels a lump has to have a mammogram.  My mammogram included 9 squeezing films!  Yuck!

The ironic thing about having this unexpected mammogram is that they couldn't see anything on the mammogram other then my "dense" fibrocystic changes.  So I proceeded on to my ultrasound.  The lady was very nice and half way through she said "everything is looking good so far, I just see a lot of cysts."  No big deal right??  Well then she got quiet.....  I knew that she had found something I just didn't know what.  So after she completed the ultrasound she told me just to lay there and relax she just had to go to "make sure" the report uploaded in the other room.  Again I knew this meant she was going to get the doctor.  Sure enough less than 2 minutes later the doctor walks in, starts scanning my left breast himself and shows me my little "tumor."  The good thing is that he "thinks" its a fibroadenoma which is generally a benign tumor, however the only way to definitively diagnose that is through a fine needle biopsy.  Or he said that I could have an Ultrasound every six months for about 2 years to watch and make sure it does not grow.  My pick.  He said that if he was overly concerned he wouldn't give me a choice he would just say "biopsy it is."

At this point I am just going to think about it, pray about it and hope that I hear God when he guides me to the decision that I need to make.  For today I am not worried.

I was reading about these little fibroadenoma's online and it refers to these types of tumors as like mice!   What!!  I have a mouse in my boob!!  They call them mice because they like to "run and hide" when messed with!  Clever!

Ha! 

This weekend I plan on creating a tab with our TTC journey! 

Feel free to give me your thoughts on what you would do in my shoes, because maybe your guidance is what God wants me to know!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Fibrocystic Breast Changes

The title says it all right??  Well maybe not all of the story. 

When I was 30 and at my annual GYN appointment my doctor (at the time) asked me if I had any family history of breast cancer.  I told him that my paternal grandmother had breast cancer at some point in her life.  He shocks me with the news that "well if your 30 and there is a family history then its time for your first mammogram!"  What!!  You have got to be kidding right, I was only 30!

His office was set up for mammography so low and behold he brings me a gown and sends me down the hall.  I really did not know what to expect.  I should though because I am a nurse...  So I am in this room and the radiology tech has me remove my gown, she then flops my boob on this device and proceeds to "massage" it out...  Yuck!  I don't know about any of you but a woman massaging my breast is not my idea of a good time!

Low and behold it came from that mammogram the diagnosis of fibrocystic breast changes.  Great, thanks mom for the wonderful inheritance!!  My doctor told me he wanted me to have yearly mammo's in order to keep a good eye on it.  Now I am a nurse on a pediatric stem cell transplant and am very versed in the dangers of radiation so I was not keen on his idea of yearly mammo's especially since I am exposed to so many toxins and radiations when I am at work.  So I had no intention of listening to this doctor. 

Last year when I went for my yearly he again said "its time for your mammo" and I proceeded to tell him "no."  We had a good discussion about the situation and then I thought of my way out.  I had (at the time) recently had a chest CT scan because of a newly diagnosed paralyzed left vocal cord.  So because the CT included my chest and it came up empty handed in the way my breasts he said I could skip the mammo that year.

After a few bad experiences at that OB/GYN's office I decided to look around.  However I am not always very proactive in these situations so it took my getting pregnant to finally find a new doctor. 

I love my new doctor!  He is great!!  I have seen in more in the last 7 months then I would like but hey at least he is Great!  And he agrees with me about not needing yearly mammo's!!!  Even more reason to like him!!

However.....  About 6 weeks ago I started to have pain on the outside portion of my left breast (the side closer to my arm pit).  Now I am not one that usually has breast tenderness prior to my cycle, but I thought well maybe that's what it was.  Or of course I had the hopeful maybe this is my BFP month!!  But my period came and went and the pain stayed.  About 2 weeks ago (mid cycle) I noticed a lump, and it was so tender to the touch that just touching the skin was annoying.  So I made an appointment with my OB/GYN and he was able to feel the lump also.

He figures since I have known fibrocystic breast tissue that its probably just a new cyst, but he is proactive and wants me to have an ultrasound of my lump.  Again I am so loving this guy and the fact that he doesn't want to expose me to any extra radiation!!  He said that if the breast center felt it deserved a mammo after looking at in on ultrasound then that's what needed to be done but until then just an ultrasound!

Ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow! 

Everyone Else has Joined the Blog World, Thought I should Too!

We live in a world of blogging these days, so I figured "what the heck" might as well have one too!! 

You all are going to have to hang with me as I am new to this and not exactly sure how all of this works!!