Well I had my third and final HCG yesterday and I am left not knowing exactly how to feel. My results came back today at 539, which is still good, just lower than I was expecting. I went from doubling every 32 hours to every 48 and although that is still very good I am just confused/concerned at why I slowed so much. I probably shouldn't be but when going through infertility and a previous miscarriage I just don't really know how to feel. I guess scared.
I just want this baby so much. I can't imagine the heartache of loosing another one and I hope I don't have to. I am going to try to stay as positive as I can until my ultrasound because neither the baby nor I need the stress.
That brings me to another topic that I dont know how to feel about. The ultrasound. My RE normally does an ultrasounds at 6.5-7 weeks so that way it ALMOST guarantees you will see the heart beat. Well my RE will be out of town in between my 6.5-7 weeks so he wants me to come in at 6 weeks exactly, 10/18. There is so much chance at that point that I won't see the heartbeat Because it may just be a couple of days to early. And I don't want to risk not seeing it and stressing more. He wants me to have it done and doesn't want to wait until he returns to perform it. So I am kind of stuck. Next week is going to be hard enough as it is that I NEED the 18th to bring good results. Next Tuesday 10/16 was my due date from my miscarriage and right now I just fear that history is going to repeat itself. It was at my 6 weeks to the day with that pregnancy that I new 100% that I was loosing my baby.
Please Lord give me the hope and strength to get through these next couple of weeks.
It pains me that you are pondering these thoughts given your previous m/c. It can be extremely hard to stay positive during the first trimester, but I think you are over analyzing it and u just need to take deep breaths and have hope. Dont over stress yourself that isnt good for you. Hope you can get distracted and praying that you do have a sticky bean.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you so much. I will continue to pray for you and I know that the Lord will give you the strength and courage you need to make it through this time.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies! I feel better about everything today. I thinkin just needed to get a few good cries out. I know regardless I am not in control so it is what it is. But I think everything is going to be ok. I prayed last night for some sort of answer and today one of the ladies from work just randomly texted me and said "thinking about you and hoping everything is well". She has no idea about this weeks events and things so it was just a nice very random message that brought uplifting my way!
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