Just when you think its safe to be hopeful.... Pre AF spotting commences :(

Over the past 6 or 7 years I have had intermittent pre AF spotting, ranging from 5 days before down to 1 day before.  It seems as time goes on however it has become more of a problem.  Over the past year I would have to say that it has definitely occurred every cycle (minus the cycle I had a BFP).  Ever since my miscarriage it has been more consistently there 5 days before AF starts.  It really is annoying for me to think about because if I spot for 5 days before AF, have AF which is usually 5-6 days and then spot for another 3-4 days then I am actually bleeding for about 2 weeks in a 28 day cycle.  Something is wrong with that.

I was supposed to start my pre AF spotting yesterday, and nothing happened.  In the back of my mind that brought some extra hope however I do not have the feeling that I had in February where I just new I was pregnant.  I put it at the back of my mind knowing that I would wake up and spotting would be there.  Heck I even had a dream last night that I went to the restroom and spotting was clearly evident.  (Yup TTC has officially invaded my dreams).  So today nothing happened.  And this afternoon nothing happened.  And then I noticed my BB's were sore and I was incredibly hopeful!  Only to use the restroom tonight and have my hopes smashed in my face.

I hate my period!  It really tortures me every month.  I dread the thought of having it and not because it means it was another BFN month but because they are crazy painful.  I usually start to feel nauseated about a week before AF.  I hoard drugs from previous surgeries of drugs for my husbands herniated discs that did not work for him in order to ensure I have some relief from AF.  I had surgery in December to help my paralyzed vocal cord and instead of truly managing that pain I took the least amount of pain medicine as possible because I new I needed it more for AF. 

The more and more I think about it the more and more I know that my cramps have to be part of our TTC problem.  And now ever since our MC I always have right sided ovarian pain that feels like some one is reaching in body and twisting my ovary and Fallopian tube as hard as then can.

I have self diagnosed my self with an endometrioma.....  I am hopeful that I will have some answers about this on Thursday at my first RE appointment!!