Frustrations, Nervous Anxiety and Happiness!!

Work has been incredibly busy lately, which I guess can be a blessing because it keeps my mind off of TTC.  On Wednesday as I was leaving work I was checking my phone for messages from through out the day (I don't carry my phone on me while I work because the only place I have to put it is in my front scrubs pocket and I am trying to eliminate any extra radiation to my pelvis).  I noticed that I had a voice mail from my RE's office so I listened to it and then I cried tears of anger.  The receptionist had called me that morning and left a voicemail saying she was wanting to confirm my appointment for Friday and that I had until 4:30 Wednesday afternoon to confirm or they would cancel my appointment.  I did not get the voicemail until 8:15 Wednesday night....  See why the tears came in..... :(  On my drive home I called my husband and vented my frustration to him about the voicemail.  We talked it out on the phone and then I hung up and cried some more.  By the time I walked through the door of our house tears were just rolling down my face.  My husband grabbed me in a warm embrace and just assured me that all would be OK.  I let him listen to the voice mail, because he was certain that I just misunderstood what the girl was saying, but sure enough it was clear as day that at this time on Wednesday night I probably no longer had my appointment for Friday.

First chance I had to steal away at work Thursday morning I went and called the office.  (Trust me if I could have called them as soon as they opened I would have however my little patient was critically ill and I had to put her needs in front of my own).  I spoke with the "nice" receptionist and she informed me that my appointment had not yet been cancelled and that usually those phone calls are made the day before not 2 days before.  Talk about sigh of relief!  I would have cried happy tears but I had to get back to my patient!

Friday comes and I see my RE.  He is just such a positive person and is very forth coming with all information!  I asked him questions that I had about our chances with IUI and he was honest.  We are not the couple with the best scenario for IUI.  My thought process was this:  If I have a high antral follicle count and DH has a sperm count of 104.6 million (I think I may have posted before that it was 95 but I read the paper wrong, it was even better than that) then our odds must be good, right?  Nope, not necessarily.  The theory is that since all of our numbers are great than our chance of success actually decreases (slightly than someone else) with IUI because the rational is that we shouldnt have had a problem getting pregnant in the first place.  IUI works better when there is a known factor like low count or low motility because your helping to make sure the healthy swimmers are right there in front of the egg.  That being said he said our chance of success is 8-10% each cycle instead of 10-12%.  He said that still puts around the 30% success rate after 3 cycles, which equals about 1:3 odds, not bad!!  So we are going to move on with IUI.  He said he still recommended IUI for us to start with because for 1. it is so much cheaper than IVF and 2. we wont know until we try anyway.

So....  I will start Clomid on CD 3-CD 7.  I will have a folli scan and lining measurement on CD 12 and if all looks good we will trigger.  Followed by our first IUI.  I asked questions about our risk of multiples and he informed me that it was low risk with clomid.  Although I must tell you a side story on multiples: When DH and I were dating and we discussed having children one day I jokingly said "what if we end up with triplets"  DH did not really find that funny, although at the time I did!  He said at the time that he would  be okay with twins but more than that would be so much work (not that twins wouldn't be).  So recently my family was in town and we briefly talked about our infertility and what our next step would probably be.  My sister said "oh my gosh you are going to end up with triplets"  I had never mentioned before what I had told DH once upon a time!! It was something I found amusing and I truly wouldn't mind triplets as long as everyone was safe and healthy even being a high risk pregnancy.  So back to the RE.  He said with clomid our chances of twins was about 15%, triplets <3%.  So more than likely we will end up with a singleton which and we will just be happy and ecstatic about welcoming a baby into our lives!

So here comes the irony of this whole Clomid IUI scenario.  If all plays out the way it is scheduled at this point and I start AF on time like I normally do than there is a very real chance that my first IUI could end up being the day that was my original due date from my miscarriage....  If it all works out that way it will be a bitter sweet day, but a hopeful day that my IUI landing on my due date is a sign from God of all the possibilities that our future as parents hold.